this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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