he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
