Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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