i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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