My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
