she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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