so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
