last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
