I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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