They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
