:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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