I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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