That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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