drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
