She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
