I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
