I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
