dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Damn victory sex feels great
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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