I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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