There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
