She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
