I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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