I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
