She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
