Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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