its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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