shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
