Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Farmville is her only friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
