whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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