Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
