I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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