stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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