I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
