..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
