there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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