That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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