He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
