she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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