had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
