he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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