My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
