What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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