Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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