Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
