dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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