then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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