EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
