i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She needs sedatives and a leash
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
