she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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