and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
