My friends, they love my intelligence
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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