he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
