I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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