HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
